There was a time when embellishing a story with half truths, and sometimes even outright lies, found me to be a very entertaining personality among my peers. In truth, I know that I have always had a way of telling a story, because I love deep descriptive language, and have always had a passion to explain myself in an articulate way, so that whoever I speak to understands me fully whilst also being ‘impressed’ (at least, that was my aim).

I frequently used to take an already awesome story of something that had happened in my life and ‘tweak it’, in order to make it flow better, or simply sound funnier or more extreme, so that my audience was at once both entertained and drawn towards me as a friendly fellow who was interesting to listen to. I’m pretty certain there are many people in the world at this moment who are as I used to be like, before Jesus started His transformation work in my heart.. so I expect you can relate to a personality like that. I certainly won’t say that I’m now perfectly in control of this deep seated issue of exaggeration, as due to a very real tendency to still want to please people and to come across as worthwhile knowing, this problem is so deeply ingrained into my soul that I have to continually check myself and try to remember whatever story I’m telling with as much truthfulness as my memory will allow, for the sake of honesty – even if it’s at the expense of great entertainment and merriment to the listener. It’s even sometimes at the embarrassment of myself, for it has happened before that I have started a story and remembered half way through that this was one that was corrupted, thus stopping myself mid flow and having to even apologise for my old sins, explaining myself awkwardly to the listener.

Sadly, because I used to be like this so much in my life before knowing the **actual** Truth, many of my already awesome stories from my extensive travels around the world are corrupted by it, perhaps beyond repair, and these days I hesitate to tell people anything that I’m not 100% convinced of as (at least mostly) true, as a lot of the time my memory of the event isn’t good enough to really remember what actually happened; in fact I have told some of the more famous stories so many times in their embellished incarnations that even if I were to hear the real story of what really took place that day, it would seem like a very boring lie in comparison. The price of lies is confusion, it seems.

Thankfully, there are still quite a few great stories I have from my life that I know needed no embellishment, as they were so crazy or unusual in themselves that I didn’t need to. These are the stories that I will still tell today, when the relevant time comes for them to be told, although I have to continually check myself to see if I remember the right ones. The stories I generally have since being a Christian, like for example my wild testimony of a conversion, are totally trustworthy, and I feel strong in front of the Lord about telling them as I’m still upholding truth in spite of the craziness.

Part of the reason for me divulging my heart crimes on here to ‘the world’ are in the interest of the soul and it’s relation to holiness; I have so many questions! What possessed me to be like this (literally)? How and when did it all start? How much of it has caused such rotten spiritual fruit that it echoes into eternity, screaming of my evil as it gets nailed alive to the cross of Jesus? Why does it still tempt and even get the better of me sometimes? Was anyone hurt, other than myself? Can I ever make amends for any of it? They sound like the kind of questions that cannot be answered this side of eternity, yet I cannot help but realise the extent of the sins of my heart as I draw closer to perfection (recognising my imperfection as a result), and yearning to be able to take it all back, however much that is simply just wishful thinking.

When I think of lies, I think of big fat selfish ones that get you out of trouble, or help you receive material gain or something. But, to my horror, any kind of false testimony is rife with sin and all too frequent when I look back over my life and I consider the things I’ve said to simply make an extra dollar or two, or even to make someone laugh; “For as the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool: this also is vanity”. Lies are so vain. They are IN vain, and they ARE vain. Yet, I know from scripture that the tongue cannot be tamed, as long as we are aware of the opportunity to do evil; many a time, with full knowledge of the wickedness of exaggeration, I catch myself mid-sentence, in full flight of my old habit dying very hard, and bite my tongue in shame as I think of the Lord listening to every word.

Tradesmen on the sites I work on as a painter think I am generally quite a quiet person (I think), because I don’t tend to indulge in the conversations they continually have with each other whilst they work (unless there’s some evangelistic opportunity I sense in it). Little do they know, that before Jesus took notice of me 12-odd years ago, I was usually one of the loudest on site, stirring up all sorts of corrupt conversation when it got a bit too quiet, yelling over the blaring radio my idiocies and perversely humorous small talk just the same as they tend to do now; yet now they are completely unaware that I now purposely try to stay my tongue and would these days rather simply listen to the Spirit and pray, even though I sometimes long to take part somehow with them (just in a pure way). 
Alas, unregenerate people are not too fond of purity, for it always frowns upon corruption, and doesn’t tend to make a humorous or entertaining story… it’s more like a reprimanding slap in the face, because normal people leading the usually ‘acceptable’ life to most others are so far from holiness that it seems not only unattainable to them, but even rude to attempt to be so pure. Isn’t that so ironic?

So, now I try to shut up and listen rather than entertain, although I admit I still have that fleshly desire burning within me to do so. It has become part of a scary quest into my personal denial of self, and as crucifixion always is, it’s a very painful process. I sense the Lord using my obvious faults to create something new with me, and I am happy for that! For wisdom will tell us that weakness is strength in the kingdom of God (the great paradox), for those who see they are weak will fear the Lord, which is the beginning of wisdom; and wisdom eventually leads us to truly pure love, if we listen to her closely and do everything she suggests.